New series of Long Lost Family - born without trace

[JBee]

There's an Australian version - don't know which channel it was on though.

An aunt lost touch with her nephew when her brother died and his mother died when he was 10. He was brought up by his grandparents but was the spit of his father.

[524919]

[QUOTE=marquette;432911]I used to know a lady who was adopted - she knew her parents had married after her birth and she had 4 full siblings. She knew a lot about all of them and even where they lived but her mother had put a contact veto on her adoption records. We were in our late 30s or early 40s at that time. She desperately wanted to make contact with her siblings but was unsure if they even knew about her. I lost contact with her before she had decided what to do.

It seemed so cruel that she had to abide by her mother’s veto, but we sort-of encouraged her to try to make contact with her now-adult siblings. This was all before DNA testing, which surely would have uncovered

Only adoptees can assert a veto on the Adoption Contact Register. (Obviously anybody can refuse contact if approached.)

[kiterunner]

[QUOTE=524919;432979]

Originally Posted by marquette

I used to know a lady who was adopted - she knew her parents had married after her birth and she had 4 full siblings. She knew a lot about all of them and even where they lived but her mother had put a contact veto on her adoption records. We were in our late 30s or early 40s at that time. She desperately wanted to make contact with her siblings but was unsure if they even knew about her. I lost contact with her before she had decided what to do.

It seemed so cruel that she had to abide by her mother’s veto, but we sort-of encouraged her to try to make contact with her now-adult siblings. This was all before DNA testing, which surely would have uncovered

Only adoptees can assert a veto on the Adoption Contact Register. (Obviously anybody can refuse contact if approached.)

Does that apply in Australia, where marquette lives?

[Glen TK]

One of my maternal half siblings refused contact from the start, the oldest told me who my father was and asked I never contact them again whilst the youngest made it pretty clear that I was the reason our mother ended up divorced and her/their lives were ruined.

I've always respected their wishes though their attitude has always puzzled me. Somehow two adults in their 40's, who had 12 children between them with 7 partners embarked on an extra marital affair (my mother was married) and the unborn child is somehow responsible? I can only guess I'm blocked on social media by most of the family as there are odd posts here and there I am made aware of by friends that are friends with my maternal family but can't see the posts or their profiles.
It's perhaps ironic that at one point I worked with one of my nieces (born 4 years after me), long before I started my search and we got on quite well but she is one of the blocked profiles. Had we known the connection back then I wonder what the situation would be today?

[Olde Crone]

Glen

I suppose it's easier to blame you because to them you are a total stranger, rather than having to rethink the whole relationship with their mother and accepting the behaviour which led to your birth. But no, it's not an attitude I understand either. Whoever is at fault, it certainly isn't the baby.

I have a friend, a very intelligent compassionate person. She discovered at the age of fifty that her father had not died in the war but had divorced her mother. Not only that, he had taken her unknown brother with him. I asked if she was intending to meet them both. No, she said furiously. "I do not blame my mother, I blame my father because he must have known where I was and he could have contacted me at any time. I don't want to know them". I still don't understand her attitude.

OC

[Glen TK]

It was 20 years ago and now frustrating more than anything. They seem to have lived their lives estranged from the rest of the family to some degree as the maternal relatives I am in touch with don't recall seeing much of them.

If things had been different I may well have not made as many friends in the forums and whilst that might mean those friends have had to deal with my shiny underwear (and my humour), for many years everyone has to make a sacrifice or two.