Questions you never asked
 

Mum was 83 when she died. I had countless opportunities to ask her every possible question.

On the day the Titanic sank, Granny celebrated her 21st birthday. But how? Mum celebrated hers at the end of WW2 - again, how?

Did Dad head out for a few bevvies, or put his head down and study that evening?

I blued all my birthday money (£10.50) on a slap up steak meal for myself and three friends.

I was so intent on discovering where people came from, names and dates, that I rarely asked the questions that turned statistics into personalities.

What didn't you ask? Or what did you ask that led to amazing discoveries?

My sister asked my grandmother where she and her "second husband" got married, but she didn't get an answer!

Lol! It wasn't my business to suggest to best mate that she should have asked questions about her parents' marriage. It was only after both had died that she realised she was a very premature (about six months!) baby.

Questions were not a thing in my house!

I would have loved to have asked my gran about her life, but this was taboo and in any case, had I asked, I doubt I could have trusted any of the answers!!

I don't know how any of them celebrated their 21st birthdays except that it wouldn't have involved any partying or alcohol. Mum kept a card her father drew for hers (towards the end of WW2), but I've not seen it for years so it may not have survivied her dementia.

As Mum was living through the London Blitz and Dad was overseas somewhere with the army I don't suppose a lot was made of their 21st birthdays! But again, I never asked...

In the months before Mum died I went through a lot of her family photos with her and put names to some faces. This prompted some reminiscences about the people pictured. One photo was of of her aged about 7/8yrs with two cousins, Lennie and Ronnie, of a similar age. Mum fondly said "I wonder where they are now?"

A few months after she died I discovered that Ronnie had lived a few streets over from my parents. I was working in the local sub post office at that time and know for a fact that Mum and Ronnie would have been in the same queue for their pensions on many occasions. It breaks my heart that I didn't have this conversation with her earlier.

I know how my mum spent her 21st birthday in 1927, as an account of the party with 50-60 'young people' (held in the parental home) was lodged in the newspaper and I have a few photos of the occasion. I doubt if I would have thought to ask her about it though.

It seemed to be a very different affair from modern coming-of-age events though.....party games, dancing, musical items by some of the guests, stylish decorations in mauve and orange (erk!!), palm trees in pots, a formal supper set out with the best china, a two-tier cake, minimal booze, a formal speech toasting my mum, with a response from my dad-to-be.

I don't even remember how I celebrated my own 21st!

Me neither I don't think I did, I think one of my friends had a party but that was their 18th.

My mum was called up when she was 21 and shipped up to Rugby to work in a munitions factory early 1942.

I was fortunate enough to be able to ask questions of elderly relatives, but in hindsight didn't ask enough or the right questions.
I did get more information out of my grandmother than any of her children ever had. Being born out of wedlock obviously bore her shame, as she was reticent to talk about it. However I did get enough information to go back further. Even found her father's name in state records.

I asked lots of questions. Unfortunately most of the answers were wrong.

OC