Mean spiritedness

[Asa]

Shona's thread has made me realise how mean spirited I've become about my trees. All of them are now not only private but hidden and I've even tried to avoid posting details of anything online so as not to be contacted by people who find my research through google.

When I first started using the Internet I was very naive and some of my research is found copied and shared in public trees with errors no respect for the hours and hours I've dedicated to this passion. Even in the last couple of years a cousin of mine copied reams of work to his public tree without a care as to whether the info was true or about any detail other than names and dates.

In the last month or so I have made so much progress on one particular family - including finding the gravestone of my 6 x great grandfather this morning! - because I have spent many happy hours and a fortune on researching after new records became available online. But I'm so cautious about discussing or sharing the info online because it so quickly becomes belittled by other people.

Is there any way back for me?

[Margaret in Burton]

I feel the same way as you Asa. Quite a few years ago a distant cousin contacted me and I sent a paper tree as I didn't have it online at the time. He not only copied it out and changed the way I'd done it his brother then knocked at my door once and asked me if I'd seen the huge tree that 'our Dave' had researched and written out in great detail. He was told in no uncertain terms that it was MY work and I wanted no more contact with him or his brother.
Another contact on my husbands side added all of my side onto her tree as well and refused to delete it.
I've had a few make their tree public when mine is private and all of the info is what I gave them. Just laziness and no thought for others research. Most of these people have spent next to nothing on research whereas I don't want to know how much I've spent in about 25 years.

[Olde Crone]

There is a middle way, I think.

I too have been badly burned by sharing my work and seeing it treated like rubbish. I now NEVER open my tree to anyone at all, but my TP tree is searchable by name, so people can contact me if they think there is a match.

I then grill them as to the integrity of their own research, lol and if I am satisfied there really is a connection, I give them chapter and verse, but a bit at a time, to see how interested they really are. I never give info about living people and in fact only give them info about their bit of the tree.

OC

[Phoenix]

I too sit on the curmudgeon's bench. It is a shame, because I have been helped enromously in the past by people who willingly shared their trees with me. In fact, I have been playing on Ancestry with a particular branch whose details I was given a very long time ago: my version of it is dated 1988. I am extremely confident that the original version was immaculate research, and clearly the many body of trees does follow this, but some of the accretions are dubious, to say the least.

I am particularly cynical about my Norfolk families. Most of the information is out there, courtesy of Family Search's browsable records, but none of my distant kith and kin have followed up the tell-tales clues of exact baptism dates.

I agree with OC's principle, but I just haven't found anyone asking the questions. (Except for the poor man who I promised a marriage certificate three years ago. When I lay my hands on it, he can have a copy!)

[WendyPusey]

I feel the same Asa.

I have found a lot of info on one of my brick walls, but those I previously shared some of this info with just take and give nothing back. Some have even put the wrong info onto public trees.

I have spent countless hours and money finding this info and I am very reluctant to share this with these people now.

If anyone sees my tree on TP and asks a question, then I will give them some info, but not the whole tree!

[vallee]

I recently had somebody contact me and she gave me access to her tree without me even asking ,but when I looked she had a lot less info than me ,she had no dates or anything and against Death she just had DEAD ? she then asked as she had given me access to hers would I do the same ? must admit I wasn't happy, and wasn't sure how to tell her that it wasn't worth looking at, so I did give permission.

[Durham Lady]

I think most of us have ben in the same position Asa until we learnt better. I know I have been. My cousin's son's, now ex, father in law added all my mother's side of my family. Aparently he's related to my maternal family because his son in law's grandather is my dad's brother

[Asa]

You've all made me feel much less horrible, thank you

I know this is a frequently recurring problem and I think we all need to let off steam about it sometimes. I think as people have said, we spend our passion, time and a fortune so when that doesn't get respected it can hit hard.

I might try going back to my names being available on Ancestry which I think works the same way as TP. Maybe...

I agree about getting angry with people misusing your research and adding it to their trees which are utterly stupid. It makes me wonder if they are either very young, or very stupid, or both. On the other hand I have been helped enormously over a 30 year period by other people who have done an enormous amount research pre internet and it was a very expensive process. These people were so pleased that someone else was interested and going to keep records of what they had researched, that it wasn't going to be burnt or put in the garbage. While I know that you get cranky with people for misusing your research, the trade off is, who is going to perpetuate your research. If you don't make it available to other people, is it going to be lost? Knowing how long and hard it is to unravel our ancestors lives, isn't it with the wish that these records will be perpetuated. What is the reason why we do research? Julie

[Guinevere]

My tree isn't online anywhere, just a few generations of direct ancestors on GR to pick up matches.

The same has happened to me as happened to others so I'm very wary about sharing information these days. Like Marg, I need to be sure the people who contact me have done some work for themselves.

There is only one person I share everything with and he is the husband of my Dad's second cousin who sent me lots when I was just starting out and we always share everything. I don't even check his stuff now, unless he asks me to, he's a far better resercher than I am.