Do you know why these things were not told to you? There could have been a valid reasons for all of this and our acceptance of things today does not mean they were accepted situations back then. You are looking at all this through your own view point, rather than those of the people directly involved.
Hiding a military history might be not wanting to remember, rather than anything shameful.
Your Aunt's history is her story, not yours so I can understand you not being told.
I had family friends who changed their surname when I was a child. There was a valid reason and we all moved on. I can see the children involved at the time would probably not even think of it now, and may not tell their children, or grandchildren. No big, dark secret, just not something important now.
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Toni 
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